The Real Mask Sickness, eh? » What is marital infidelity?

What is marital infidelity?

The wife and I have come back together after I did 69 days of time. We are attempting honourable reconciliation, but I still feel a knife in my back and have difficulty understanding her choices.

I spent our 13th Anniversary in jail, am still recovering the broken heart I sustained, but I still love Stacy. I just hope that we had God's protection and not just my strategic gameplay.


 


[Chad], I need your help,  I think I am correct in a-
cting but I am saddened by it.  My bro [David] just 
last night stole money from mom,
I hate to do it but she is getting old and needs 
care and this costs money, and with him bleeding her 
dry they will end up in the poor house or on the str-
eets.. Lies and falsehood, and this justifies him co-
nstantly stealing from her?

 

So, what is 'marital infidelity', and why am I using this terminology?

  • Well, Marriage.com defines infidelity in a marriage as:
    • Infidelity in a marriage is trespassing whatever you and your partner decided it meant when you became a married couple. You may feel like your husband kissing another woman is wrong, but is not necessarily cheating.
  • However, the broader definition of infidelity is provided by Wikipedia:
    • Infidelity is a violation of a couple's emotional and/or sexual exclusivity that commonly results in feelings of anger, sexual jealousy, and rivalry. What constitutes infidelity depends on expectations within the relationship. In marital relationships, exclusivity is commonly assumed

Now, as you can see by the enclosed timeline, "Stacy" has been playing truant on her marital duties. Like she's a carefree child, and most definitely NOT a mature woman competent to enter into a marital contract.

EVITACION TIMELINE

20220926    20221003    07 days absence —      Sep26 '22 » Oct03 '22    13
20220909    20220914    05 days absence —      Sep09 '22 » Sep14 '22    12
20220613    20220622    09 days absence —      Jun13 '22 » Jun22 '22    11
20220601    20220611    10 days absence —      Jun01 '22 » Jun11 '22    10
20220514    20220516    03 days absence —      May14 '22 » May16 '22    09
20220502    20220512    10 days absence —      May02 '22 » May12 '22    08
20220421    20220423    03 days absence —      Apr21 '22 » Apr23 '22    07
20220331    20220401    03 days absence —      Mar31 '22 » Apr01 '22    06
20220308    20220309    02 days absence —      Mar08 '22 » Mar09 '22    05
20211212    20211213    02 days absence —      Dec12 '21 » Dec13 '21    04
20211210    20211212    03 days absence —      Dec10 '21 » Dec12 '21    03 
20211127    20211130    04 days absence —      Nov27 '21 » Nov30 '21    02
20211024    20211026    03 days absence —      Oct24 '21 » Oct26 '21    01    
20210705                STACY'S MUM DIED, SNOWBALL STARTS ROLLING.        

 

 

Stacy claims to be a devout observer of the Roman Catholic faith. I call bullshit.

The Sacrament of Holy Matrimony, when celebrated in the Catholic Church, creates a lifelong fusion of two separate souls. Stacy doesn't seem to observe this, as whenever we have even the littlest of arguments, she immediately claims that we are no longer married, and runs away, like a little child playing keep-away.

When she took off on June 1st 2022, she stayed at a place in Scarborough called the Travelodge by Wyndham which is leased by the City of Toronto as a "Temporary COVID-19 Shelter Site" for female women in need of secure shelter, usually at one of the most vulnerable times of their lives. While there, she was "befriended" by her roommate, an associate of a man also at the Travelodge by Wyndham identifying as "Marie" who my wife Stacy is reporting likely targeted her (he was on the same subway car and followed her home).

Now she's back in Scarborough, only this time she's playing "housewife" to her "brother" (child of her abusive father) and flaunting the fact that she doesn't have to return home because "David" is satisfying all her needs, while Chad makes sure all the bills are paid, as is the rent.. and she is fulfilling her marital obligation to love and to hold her lawful wedded spouse, by using "David" as a surrogate husband. This "David" guy is a real shiteater, but I guess he satisfies my wife better than I can. After all, my wife is 49, this "David" guy is 47, and I'm only 40. I guess age and ugliness have their perks.

Here's what "David" looks like.. I guess he sure must be a good back-scratcher and foot-warmer, because he's reportedly living in Scarborough, in some cold-ass basement apartment, and being such a satisfying "house husband" that my wife would prefer to enjoy her breakfast, lunch and dinner with him, and that he must prepare the most scrumptious of desserts to satisfy the hunger of her late-night rumbling tummy.

I guess when she "protects" and "satisfies" her 'bro' satisfies her need to be the "competent big sister" and politely decline to press charges when he stole from her mum, just like her abusive father assaulted her and her mother. I guess she likes it that way, it's predictable and she knows exactly what will happen to her if she's bad. I think it's called a SAD attachment style, where she imprints on her abuser and his male offspring. Do all beautiful latinas do this?


 

For your entertainment needs, here are some especially desperate SMS messages I sent to my wife...

  • 20220929-1008H:
    1/4 Evitacion: Your interpersonal conflict avoidance is off the charts. Relationship problems do not resolve themselves, but need solving together.
    2/4 My feelings count, so how dare you say my "fears" are wrong and dismiss my feelings as wrong, and so not worthy of talking about or hearin.
    3/4 If you come back or not, is your choice and yours alone, but I cannot live like this, always fearful you will run away to AVOID talking.
    4/4 Have a good day, and I hope that if you don't come home, that you find peace. Finito
  • 20220928-1726H:
     1/2 Please don't make me eat alone again, sleep alone, at least come have dinner, baby. Sweetie, you're being ridiculous, acting like a child.
    2/2 Come home, and we shall make love, like newlyweds.
  • 20220928-0038H:
    You're acting rather juvenile. That's your pattern. Whenever you can, you avoid resolving issues with the one who loves you most... evitacion pura.
  • 20220928-0033H:
    1/2 Why do you try to manipulate me this way, Liz? Wy do you think you can just "check out" from your marriage for a few days or a few weeks? Do you not..
    2/2 realize how juvenile that is That it makes you look like a 14-yr-old playing house, rather than a 49-yr-old trying to save her marriage? Textbook avoidance.
  • 20220927-0325H:
    1/7 You can keep what you took from me, I gave you love and offered you understanding, and you walked away, fearful of being understood.
    2/7 You hate yourself so, and you deny the peace we could have brought each other.
    3/7 We spent 12 years together, but you walked away, eager to steal a brief glimpse of happiness, like a thief in the night, yet to be known,
    4/7 for you hate yourself so.. I loved you every minute of each hour of every day, for 12 years.
    5/7 I will no longer try to keep you at my side. I valued our time together, and our future growing old together. I'm happy for you..
    6/7 that you will have these memories t keep you warm in the company of whomever you're sleeping. Goodbye. I wish you didn't hate yourself.
    7/7 You left your ring, so I know what you are prepared to do, as I sleep alone in our marital bed, you will be with another. -Chad

And so, the pain, the agony, it metastasized. Unable to disclose my hurts and my fears, unable to hold the only one in this shitty world I give a damn about. Now, I am become death.

Like I said in my email on Sep28:

  • I'll be with you every step of the way, and I know that you are not responsible for what happened, but you may be held to account for your refusal to allow God's hand to ensure some form of penance.
    • True forgiveness does not interrupt the process of justice nor eliminate the punishment the abuser deserves for his conduct. You can forgive and still seek justice. Let us remember that forgiveness happens inside the victim and frees him or her from post-offense hate and suffering. The trial and conviction processes of the abuser for his conduct are independent of this process. An unbalanced strategy of seeking compassion could suppose a kind of forgiveness that ignores justice.
  • Please read this PDF. It may be our Christian duty to seek justice, not necessarily for revenge, but to stop the flood of child abuse. I love you sweetie, and I don't want us not to be together in heaven. You can forgive your father, but you only truly discharge our Christian duty by seeking justice, and thereby preventing the future occurrence of such abuse on future generations, however you term it.
    I'm not sure if I'll be in heaven, but Mum probably is. Wouldn't you prefer to spend eternity with her, rather than in the lakes of fire? I love you, please come home to heal. Te amo, mi Corazon. Mi caliente, dulce corazon.

And on Sep14:

  • I am concerned that we can't have an honest discussion. You have your brother's cellular phone with you. This IS about me, because I am your husband, and it should make you feel safe to be held in my arms, and you need to accept that I never did, and never will, hold you responsible for the actions of your father. You are not responsible for what happened when you were a child is not your responsibility and I never think that.
    This is a recurring theme in our marriage, like when you said that I registered the 'killingontario.ca' domain to attack you, and how dare I say that you can empathize with mothers who are offering their young children up to appease Bael, and understand the depths of their denial. You say that I am "internalizing" guilt for what happened to you, which might be true, because I feel compelled to protect you and bring peace to our world. I am your spouse, I am not someone you can discard so readily, like when you were given bad cheques by some guy named "Marie" but whose cheques read "Mohammad Mansoury" as described in:
    https://killingontario.ca/blog/2022/06/24/beguile-and-defraud-vulnerable
    You are vulnerable when you are in fight or flight response patterns, which may be how you were so easily convinced to cash those cheques for Mansoury. Please come home, for I feel that you may be wrongly influenced wherever you are. I'm Cc'ing the responding officer, so that he will be aware of the situation. Please call, mi media naranha.. mi corazon. Come home, baby.. remember that we're married adults, that we can talk things over, like our conflicting attachment styles. Please baby.. call me.

 

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